Its funny when one does things in life thinking that is what he/she wants and later regrets and one question pops up – "is this what I really want to do ?"

I’m guessing that most of us must have sometime or the other let our minds wander and retrospect about all the sad things that happened in the past. For me it happens most of the time, I can’t figure out why.

Not that there have only been sad incidents in my life, but its probably because one can’t help but try and figure out why some of the really good things have just vanished.

It happens either gradually or sometimes just suddenly and its when such things happen erratically that you’re most affected. You just can’t seem to put your head together and come up with a single viable logical explanation.

People say life is full of disappointments and you’ve to live with them, but its human tendency to look for answers as to why one had to experience them and if there was anything that could’ve been done to avoid them or not let them happen again. Then again, the saying goes ‘Everything happens for a reason’, but if there is a reason why does one indulge in a never ending quest to discover one ?

No matter how hard you try or how indifferent you get as time passes, you still turn back and wonder – What if ? Would it have been different ? What if you’d have kept in touch with that good friend ? What if you were in a position to change the circumstances but were never aware of it ? what if your decision to sabotage something was the worst decision you had ever made ?

Sometimes when the good gets ugly with other people or just life in general, you can’t help but wonder if everything would get back to being normal, or if you’d be able to reminisce of the wonderful and happy moments and let go of the horrible ones.

Time is the healer they say, you give yourself a little time thinking it’s gonna be fine but one question always haunts you – would it really still be the same ? That is when the disappointment kicks in again and you wish you could turn back time. And as soon as you’re done thinking about it, you have this strong feeling of helplessness and you realize that its too late and beyond your control. You feel the apathy that good fortune has towards you and everything’s somber.

Back to square one.

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